This past little while has been nerve racking, the baby has dropped so shes gonna come any day now, I've been considering going on a nice long walk just to try to send my self into labor, Beth has been a handful I think she can tell that things are getting ready to change drastically. I think both of the dream catchers in my room need to be cleaned and recharged because Beth has been sleeping with me the last few weekends due to bad dreams and for the first time in since I put my dream catcher up I just had one of the worst dreams I've had throughout this pregnancy.
In my dream it was a weekend I know this because I had Beth she had been playing with her toys and watching a movie in the morning like she normally does then she shook me and said "mommy why is my baby sister blue?" I turned on the light and looked into my bassinet at Danica laying their her lips and fingers were turning blue, I immediately started infant CPR and told Beth to get my mother, she ran up stairs told my mom that Danica was hurt and mom came running down, she called 911 for me but by the time they had responded it was far to late. Danica was diagnosed with SIDS.
I can't get over that feeling I had when I woke up, its so hard to explain, the dream was so realistic that it just really got to me, and having Beth their if something like that were to happen, I mean how do you explain to a 3 year old that their baby sister has died, and even worse how is something like that going to affect them? Tonight I plan on praying to the gods to watch over both my kids, I'm going to see if Dyanne or Mom have any protection oil I plan on spreading some on my door frame and on the frame of the bassinet, when shes born I'm going to ask mom and Dy to put a protection spell on the bassinet as well, I'm hoping that by having the protections on her sleeping place that the gods will keep her safe while she sleeps, of course I realize that if the gods decide she needs to no longer be on this planet they are going to take her but if they do after we have done everything we can to protect her then I will know its what they truly wanted, and while it will hurt me greatly, I will know that they have a reason for it, and that will hep comfort me slightly.